Dear Client,

It has been wonderful working with you on these last few projects. From the very first time we spoke, I knew working with you would be an education. Our first phone call gave me every indication.

“Hello, Writer. Can you write something for me?”

“Sure. What are you looking to have written?”

“I’m not sure, but it needs to be about 500 words because that’s what the experts say. They also say I need to use keywords, so I’ve chosen these…”

“Okay, so 500 words, and the targeted keyword phrase you want me to use is alien hunter miami las vegas.”

“Right. And I need you to use that exact wording because those are the tags for my blog. Oh, and of course the articles should have perfect grammar and no spelling or punctuation errors. I normally pay a kid in Ethiopia one kidney bean per article. What are your rates?”

“Oh, okay. Before we talk rates, let’s take a closer look at your project. So you want these articles to post on your blog, right?”

“No. I’m going to use them for article marketing, so you can’t mention me in them anywhere except the third paragraph from the end, second sentence. Oh, and you need to capitalize it like this: CliEnT, because that’s my branding.”

“Okay. Sure. Any particular tone or subject matter you’d like covered in this alien hunter miami las vegas article that you are going to use for article marketing based on your blog’s keywords?”

“I don’t know.”

“So, it could be on anything, so long as we use these keywords and don’t mention you until the third paragraph, second sentence, right?”

“Right.”

“Okay, well how about you tell me who your target market or audience is, that might help us narrow down a subject matter.”

“Well, I don’t know about target market, but I’ve read that articles on dietary supplements get a lot of hits. How about we go with some sort of healthcare topic, that way I can promote my affiliate links for SuperNukes Veggie Bars too.”

“Okaaaayy. Suuure. I can do that for you. Although, I don’t think it will make much sense to your readers. I don’t know that people looking for alien hunters are going to search for veggie bars or even be able to read an article with alien hunters miami las vegas used at 15% keyword density. In fact, I cannot guarantee the grammatical correctness of any article trying to use alien hunters miami las vegas as a plausible phrase, sir.”

“That’s okay. We’re trying to drive traffic, not sell anything just yet.”

I knew from that first phone call, that first project that you and I would learn a lot from each other. I would learn patience and careful research as I never knew there were alien hunters in Miami or Las Vegas, much less that they enjoyed SuperNukes Veggie Bars and frequented article submission sites looking for blog content to read.

You, on the other hand, would learn that stupidity costs dearly. When you rely more on expert statistical reporting than your readers, or even common sense for that matter, AND you expect to hire professional writers at a rate of $1 per 500 word article, well, sir…I think you have learned far more from this relationship than I. After all, you get what you pay for in this world.

While I understand your Adsense account has now been bugged by a renegade alien and pulls ad links for your site about diaper cream and single mom depression therapy instead of people looking to hire alien hunters, and I do regret that the comments on your blog cannot be read by most visitors because they are all in Arab and provide links to male enhancement supplements, I would like to remind you, I did warn you. I did tell you that the chosen keywords and article marketing plan you devised may not bring the results you intend. Therefore, I take no responsibility for your site remaining on the 10,234th page of Google search results or the lack of qualified traffic to your blog. You were, after all, warned.

It is with deep regret that I must now inform you that you, dear client, are

FIRED!

I simply cannot live up to the incredibly high standards you have set for your site and the written works you publish. I’m afraid I am merely a wordsmith, incapable of turning lead into gold. However, I do understand there are several internet marketers offering affiliate programs for people who know people who know people who know how to do just such things. I will be happy to provide an affiliate link for you.

Kind Regards,

Tired SEO Writer Services

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There are many ways to use Social Media. Since my professional life is primarily online, my day to day use of social media and the folks I tend to pal around with via social media channels focus mostly on professional pursuits. I am immersed in writing, via other writers, businesses who depend on writers, vendors for various services writers need, and generally anything to do with either the business or personal side of writing for a living all day, every day.

You could say that I eat, sleep, breath, and socialize my profession.

The Intersection of Personal and Professional

However, many of my friends and family also use social media to stay connected. My parents are blogging their month-long adventure across the historic Rt 66. My sister keeps up with old high school friends via Facebook and blogs about her horse sculptures via her blog. My boys play games and touch base with their friends. My oldest daughter tweets and posts to Facebook to keep all of her family and extended family updated on my youngest granddaughter.

You could say social media helps our family, spread across multiple states and thousands of miles, stay in touch and up to date.

It’s not uncommon for my personal and professional lives to bleed together, especially on Facebook where I seem to be connected with everyone I know on both sides of the line. You might find a personal note in between sharing blog posts about writing. You might find pictures of my vacation next to pictures of my office remodel project.

I’ve thought about separating the two, but that really just creates more work for me in terms of online identities to maintain. To be honest, I just don’t have that much spare time.

So instead, I try to temper what I do online so that it’s not too much work stuff to bore friends and family, but not too much personal stuff to look unprofessional to colleagues and business contacts.

I hope I do a decent job. Some, however, don’t seem to understand the difference.

You’re Running Up My Phone Bill

Yesterday I got a friend request on Facebook from another professional in the writing world. I didn’t know them, but that’s not uncommon. I’ll bet any one of us has at least a dozen “friends” on Facebook we couldn’t even begin to tell you how we know, met, or became “friends” with, if not more.

Naturally, I always look at a person’s page before I accept any friend request. I want to make sure they’re a real person, with a real account, and we have something in common. As I was going down this person’s page, I noticed other “friends” and some of the likes and websites showing on this person’s wall. At first glance, I started thinking “cool, another professional writer.” As I read more, I was happy to have found (or have them find me) another working, real writer.

That is, until I scrolled down a little further and saw a few of those “I just won a Pig in a Blanket on State Fair Mafia Farm Wars. Will you help me feed him/poke him/sell him/raise him/slice him up for bacon?” badges from whatever game or other the person played in their spare time.

Credibility takes a drastic nose dive.

I hate those game update things on Facebook. I really do. I have  every one of them blocked from showing in my news feed. They drive me crazy. As a professional, I see those as a mark of the amateur, unemployed, have-nothing-better-to-do writer/professional wannabe.

Having been raised in a time when “long distance” was paid per minute, so a relative calling from out of state garnered instant respect in terms of not interrupting my mother while she was on one of those calls, these badges and game updates bring about a similar thought. I instantly hear my mother’s voice reminding me “we don’t want to run up the phone bill, dear.” They waste time and space that could have been put to better use, or at least not done any damage to your professional image. It’s a lot like leaving a long distance caller on hold while you go change a diaper or deal with kiddie disruptions. Those updates are just blank space running up the caller’s phone bill for no good reason.

Appearances are Everything Online

Now this writing professional may very well be one of the best writers in the world. They may have only played the game once or twice just to see what all the hoopla was about. There were, after all, only a few of those badges compared to other people’s walls which are covered in nothing but game updates. However, even just those couple of instances were enough to dip credibility in my eyes, without my even thinking about it. As soon as I saw them I thought, “another writer who isn’t really serious about the profession” even though that might not be the case at all.

Just something to think about as we go about our social media lives this week. Take care what you share and how it might appear, especially if your personal and professional lives tend to touch sides anywhere in your online social networking activities. Take care what you share and don’t go running up your follower’s phone bills unnecessarily.

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I’ve talked about my “stereotypical” writer image…lonely mountain cabin, cable-knit sweaters, and an old typewriter. Great works have been written first with quills, then typewriters, and now computers. I think of American Classics in terms of literature and I think of an old black typewriter and literary works of art.

But this guy…he puts a whole new outlook on the idea of creating art with a typewriter. Holy Cow! His name, Paul Smith. The artwork he has created with just an old typewriter is just…Wow! Take a look:

Now that kind of art is really cool, in my eyes. Talk about imagination! But isn’t that what all great art is, whether written, painted, spoken, or sculpted? It’s a tangible representation of one person’s imagination let loose.

Personally, I think the stuff’s pretty cool. What do you think?

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last several years working from my own home office, it’s that little things can really make all the difference. I spend hours upon hours sitting in front of my PC, typing out ebook chapters, writing articles, and working on ghostwriting projects for clients. It never dawned on me that my office chair would become hugely important. That is, until my son broke the back off of my favorite, well-worn office chair.  

The Wooden Chair from Hell

I have spent the last 3 weeks working from an old wooden dining room chair I inherited amongst all sorts of furniture and antiques from my grandmother. Let me tell you, it has not been fun. Aside from having no padding to speak of, the chair has no wheels either. Ugh. What a pain. Something so simple as wheels on a chair make life so much easier when some of your office equipment is just out of arm’s reach.  

What does a chair have to do with writing nonfiction? Um, gee, when you spend 10+ hours in that chair…a lot. Just like I need my comfy, well-worn, slightly tattered upholstered rocking chair in order to comfortably read, I need a decent chair to sit in while I work. So yesterday I went strolling through Wally World and a few office center stores to find a replacement chair.  

Heavens to Mergatroid! I never knew there were so many different kinds of office chairs! I gave up trying to decipher the differences from one store to the next. Can you say too many choices?  

I guess I’ve just gotten spoiled being able to shop online for most stuff – at least for comparison shopping, that is. So, being the smart cookie that I am, I decided to look online for a decent office chair, rather than driving all over town. I found something really, really cool while I was looking. It’s a website called Become.com. It lets you comparison shop from one website.  

Now, this isn’t the first online shopping comparison site I’ve found, by any means. There are tons of them online. Search for anything online and you’re likely to pull up more than one site similar to Become.com. However, while I was searching online for my office chair and some other office furniture that could also do with replacing, I found Become and was actually impressed. (Not an easy thing to do.) You can comparison shop for everything from office furniture (which is what I was doing) to a college education.  

I’ve seen a few of these types of sites before, and I normally veer away from them. Too much junk stuff like adsense ads, flashing banners, and all that gimmick-y stuff. In fact, I almost veered away  

The Temperamental Printer

from Become as well. That is, until I saw the exact same printer I was just looking at over at one of the office supply stores (can’t remember if it was Staples or Office Depot) for about $10 less with free same day shipping. (My all-in-one HP is one its last legs. The fax part doesn’t work anymore, the scanner has to be talked into working periodically, and the paper feed doesn’t always think there’s paper in the tray – even when I just reloaded it.)  

Again, so what does this have to do with writing? Easy…us writer-types, especially those of us who spend a lot of time in front of the computer, can sometimes have a really bad habit of just making do with whatever is available. Whether it’s an office chair, a hand-me-down printer, or whatever office supplies are on sale at WalMart or wherever. Unfortunately, when you’re facing tight deadlines, you just don’t have time to really look around and think about the stuff you use.  

I was the same with my office chair. It was well worn, comfortable, and a chair I had spent the last 4+ years working from day in and day out. Now that it’s gone, and I’ve had to work from a wooden dining room chair because that’s what was available for the time being, I greatly appreciate the value of little things like my chair.  

As such, I ordered a new one that hopefully will help save my back & my butt from Wooden Chair Hell. I got a big comfy executive chair that I hope will sit like a recliner but support like an orthopedic chair. I got it from School Outfitters, one of the online stores I found through Become…and the cool part is, I found a blue one! (Become let me filter results by color…I didn’t even know I could get an office chair in blue!)  

And naturally, the first thing I thought about was sharing a cool site with readers. If you’re tight on time and want to comparison shop, Become’s got everything you could possibly need and then some. I got results for Sears, School Outfitters, and a host of other sites. Now I’m glad I didn’t settle for the $90 chair at WalMart or the $89 one I saw at Office Depot. For the same price, I got a really cool chair. The printer will have to wait for next month, as I think I’m going to go separately on the fax machine and get a printer similar to my old Okidata but one that will print and copy/scan.  

As for you guys, what is the one piece of office equipment or office furniture that you just could not live without? If someone took your office chair, would you make do with anything? Or do you need a comfy spot to sit? What about your printer, scanner, or keyboard? Is there something special about yours that you just could not see yourself doing without? When you spend as many hours as I do working in your office, I’m sure there are some things that doing without could cause a kink in your workflow. What is it? Sometimes, it’s those little things that make the difference in a productive day or not.

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